I sent the little child inside of me to the panic room because I felt it wasn’t safe for her out here. Growing up I felt that no matter what I did it never measured up to my mother's expectations. This left me with a feeling of not being loved and I suppressed my emotions to focus on surviving. Years later my mother came to stay with me and our frustrations escalated into a shocking physical fight. This completely broke down our relationship and when she died by suicide I was left in shock. Especially since I had contemplated the same thoughts myself a few times in my darkest moments. See how I faced my own childhood traumas and my relationship with my mother. Using the conflicting feelings from losing her, I managed to go deeper into the feeling of not measuring up and what that had done to me. Learn how I utilized professional help to guide me through the process of grieving both my mother's passing and my lost childhood. Combined with using social media as an outlet and allowing friends to support me, I reconnected with my emotions again to make space for my own growth as a human.