My pursuit of my mother’s love almost killed me. Growing up, I felt that my mother struggled to show me affection and love, and I often experienced harsh criticism and hurtful words. I started carrying a sense of being unlovable, and I thought that maybe I didn't deserve to be loved. The first sign of appreciation from my mother came when I shared money with her. The challenge was that the empty hole my childhood had left me drove me into debt in my desire to gain my mother's approval. As a single mother with two boys, I could not manage my own needs on top of hers. After losing my job from the stress caused by everything, the burden of my debt and low self-worth swallowed the last sense of hope I had, leaving me with loneliness and suicidal thoughts once again, but this time, I could not see how I would move beyond it. See how I learned about the darkness of depression and mental health through an organization that spread awareness in the clinic I went to with my son. Both feeling seen for my frustrations and challenges and gaining knowledge about why I was feeling so hopeless and depressed allowed me to accept it. Learn how the organization empowered me by inviting me to their support groups, where I realized that I was not alone. Learning more about trauma and my own experiences through others allowed me to see my mother's actions through a new lens, where I also gave space to her journey, which allowed me to forgive her on behalf of myself and let go of my need to obtain her love. Combined with being engaged as a volunteer to help others, I started to build the woman and mother I wanted to be.