I was left in shock after losing my mother to suicide at the age of 12 when I didn’t even understand what it meant. My mother was my closest friend, and we grew extra close when my father was off working in another country. When my family reunited in a new country, my sister and I felt something was off with their relationship, but we never spoke of it. After losing her, I carried the burden of feeling like it could have been prevented and that I could have done more as a daughter. Since no one spoke of it and my mother's family even took a distance from us, I felt it was something to be ashamed of. As I was already feeling lonely and like an outsider at school, I slipped further into my shell and completely swallowed my emotions while trying to keep a brave face outward. My suppressed anger grew to the point where I was a person that I despised and wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with. Hear how I decided I didn’t want to carry a mask anymore. I explored what sides of myself that was part of my persona and what was due to my challenging journey. This helped me start letting people in despite the fear of losing them. Learn how I made sense of my process by getting deeper knowledge about suicide and mental health through my studies at Uni. This allowed me to forgive myself and accept my mother's suicide, to make space for my grief. I am an introvert and enjoy my own company, but I realized I had to put myself out there to break free from the prison of loneliness I had retracted into. Understanding my journey allowed me to integrate and transform my past into an asset in the person I am today.